4 posts tagged “self-improvement”
Yesterday was a revealing day here in the UK.
For two very different reasons:
1) It was St George's Day - England's national day.
2) It was one the first days of sunshine in many long weeks (worthy
of a celebration in itself!)
When one of the two happens, many Londoners enjoy a cold drink outside
their local pub. And yesterday's double celebration increased the
number of people involved.
Groups of grown-up men reveled outside, engaging in loud, sometimes
insulting, behaviors - to the amazement of many appalled or scared
tourists.
Not exactly a display of the traits of the reserved gentleman the English
like to be known for!
From my office window, I observed a group of eight red-faced men, all
in their fifties, smartly dressed, stumbling in front of the local pub,
and arguing with the landlord because she would not let them in.
Each one attempted to impress his friends by arguing more vociferously
than the other.
Each one had seemingly spent the afternoon trying to "out-drink" his
friends to gain their approval.
Finally, they gave up and moved on to the next pub… after 45 minutes
(it was still only 4:00 pm!).
Nobody is perfect: When it comes to the "drinking game", I have been
on both sides of the fence. And I can assure you I have been much
better off since I started to focus on what is good for me rather than
what will make me popular.
I believe learning to keep in check your need for acceptance is a
lifelong practice that brings great rewards.
If you are not being true to yourself when you are with your friends,
you may need to review why you are "friend" with them… and whether it
would be beneficial to assert you self-control and distance yourself
from them.
Take the time to consider the true reasons behind your actions and habits.
You will usually find that the ones motivated by your need for peer acceptance
are often a waste of your time, energy, and mental power.
Try being your true self instead and see how that compares...
I have a confession.
I'm nervous about posting this follow up to my previous thoughts. I'm not sure
you'll take it seriously, or whether it is clear enough.
The main reason is that this would normally be the natural progression of a
conversation you'd have a with a very close friend, confidant, or personal coach.
But let's try anyway… If it helps just one person, it will be worth it (and it
will fulfil one of *my* personal needs).
The first step to getting your personal needs met is quite simply to identify
those that have the most impact on your feeling good about yourself.
It seems obvious but few people seem to consciously reflect on their real needs.
Probably because they intuitively know it is likely to be a rather uncomfortable
experience.
I believe we truly know what is good for ourselves. We just don't dare to admit it
to ourselves.
So to help get past that, here is the question I suggest you ponder:
Note that what you're doing in this exercise is not about what you *think* would
be good for you. Not about what you *want*. And not about what *ought to be* good
for you.
But what you *know* deep inside, when you're being 100% honest, can give you the
best feelings about yourself.
You will want to find a quiet place, pen and paper, and to take about 10 minutes by
yourself, with no risk of being disturbed (switch that cell phone off, will you?).
Ready? Here we are:
In what circumstances do you regularly feel like you probably ought to be happy
yet truly feel like something is not quite right?
Simply think about these situations for a moment...
Now, honest introspection is not easy. It pushes us beyond our comfort zone.
That's where it really helps to have a coach (or a confidant) to keep pushing us.
There's going to be a little tennis match in your head between the "Don't think
like that, it's so selfish" voice, and the "Yes, this is what is truly good for me".
Between the "No, I'm not one these people" and the "Yes, this is Me. Nobody's
perfect. This is part of my unique charm".
And you know what? That's okay. That's perfectly normal. In fact, it's probably a
good thing.
As you think about these circumstances, you'll experience various feelings and
will most likely get an insight about what your unfulfilled needs truly are.
Now ask yourself this:
What would I like to feel in these circumstances that would make me feel good
about myself?
Write down what spontaneously comes to mind. Keep the piece of paper on you. It's
personal. At this stage, there is no need to share your thoughts with anyone.
If you did this exercise seriously, you'll possibly hate me for a while. That's
okay. Sleep on it, and we'll talk again tomorrow.
And if you didn't… Well, thank you for reading anyway!
All the best,
Yann
www.yannvernier.com - Personal Development & Success Coachin
"Why am I stuck?...
I really want to change... I know I've got what it takes."
Have you ever heard a friend or relative say this?
Or have you ever asked yourself?
To some degree, we're all stuck in self-limiting habits that prevent us
from moving forward and being our best. But how do you get "unstuck"?
Well, forget about writing out your goals, personal statement, or vision
for a moment.
You'll struggle to attain them if you don't do anything toward meeting your
personal needs first.
Whilst we all have the same physical needs for survival, your personal
needs are specific to you. They are the emotional requirements *you* need
satisfied to be your true self. To be your best.
Of course, in our cultures where being selfish has such a negative
connotation, most of us feel uncomfortable or guilty just thinking about
our personal needs.
But this is about taking care of yourself first so you can better take care
of others.
Paraphrasing Jim Rohn in 'The Art Of Exceptional Living': It's not "I'll
take care of you if you take care of me" but "I'll take care of Me for you,
if you take care of You for me".
Food for thought...
Tomorrow, we'll look at how you can get your personal needs met quickly
and easily.
Wow! I've just watched this rather powerful talk Jill Bolte Taylor recently gave at TED.
How your brain really works in clear and simple terms... And what happens when a brain scientist realizes her brain functions slip away one by one. Amazing.
Find out right now:
